not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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