Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
