Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want to make out with him forever
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
