What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
