and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
