Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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