Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
