he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
