I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
