were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
