Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
