the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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