when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
