normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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