last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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