I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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