He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize