i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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