the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
