I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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