I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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