your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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