He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
