I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who died my cat blue again?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
