I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I could fuck to npr.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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