dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
