The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
