oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
