I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
