It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
