Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
