what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
