piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
