I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
