last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
