she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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