i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
