Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
