Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
