matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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