you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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