1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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