i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
