I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
