I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize