I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
