Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
