I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think my moral compass just broke
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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