I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
