k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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