She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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