Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
