My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
