I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
