He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
