You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
