The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
