You smell like stripper and shame
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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