everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
