I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
