I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
