Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize