wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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