i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
