mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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