i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my god I love twenty year old dicks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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