hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
