I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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