You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
