she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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