based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
