On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
