Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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