I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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