im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
