my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
