wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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