You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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