we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
