Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize