He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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