Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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