That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
