I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
