All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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