I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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