Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
