Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
