Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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