I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
