Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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