You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
