We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
