he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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