Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
