I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
