So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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