He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
