I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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