Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
