...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
