bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
