Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize