That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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